Friday, March 23, 2012

He didn't come home last night ...

I waited up all night for my husband, sick - physically sick - with worry and fear, and yet he didn't come home. I really believed I had lost him forever. When he finally came back to the penthouse, I was almost sure he was going to ask me to leave. Not that he would have to; I was prepared to go if that's what he needed and wanted. My mom already said I could stay with her. (My mom who is being very supportive despite not being a huge fan of my husband.)

His eyes were so cold at first. So very cold. I didn't see the love in those beautiful blue eyes. He also looked conflicted about coming back here, coming back to me. That's all I could see at first. I was talking to Alexis on the phone when he came in and I told her I would call her later. Jason approached me slowly. He looked very uncomfortable, especially when I said I was worried when he didn't come home last night. He told me he didn't mean to worry me but it didn't take away the sickness and fear I felt. Especially when he told me that he had run into Elizabeth of all people at his and Robin's footbridge. A part of me thought, for the briefest moment, that he said it to hurt me but I know Jason. He isn't vindictive so I had to try to not overreact. You would have been so proud of me. I kept my calm though I think another little piece of me died inside.

We argued some more. Even when I told him that I would have done the same thing all over again. And I would have. I wanted to give him time to heal. I would have given him time to grieve. I wanted him to have that time but the thought of not having him around, of our baby never knowing the warmth of their father's arms, scared me. But Jason finally said he knew that I had been scared. And before I knew it, we were making up. He said he loved me and of course I told him the same. Which is so true. He is my whole world. I don't know what I would do without him. I don't think I could ever cope if I lost him.

We talked some more, we kissed, we made up. We were headed upstairs even when Spinelli came knocking at the door. Spinelli. Dear Spinelli. It wouldn't have honestly been a reunion without him and I said so.

But the truth is, Jason and I are happy again. We will weather this storm together. We have to. I need him. I love him. Our baby needs him. I refuse to let anything else come between us ever again.

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